


Our Little Hope

by zarrylism



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Babysitters, Comatose Harry Styles, Fatherhood, Friendship/Love, M/M, Mpreg, Two Fathers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-19 09:49:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29872842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zarrylism/pseuds/zarrylism
Summary: Zayn's life was dull. Everybody believes that he's not doing any good in his life. He didn't finish college, and he didn't succeed in stopping smoke. All the things life is throwing on him, he started to believe too. That he'll be just a disappointment. But what will happen when a person in the past, give him a little Hope?
Relationships: Zayn Malik/Harry Styles
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**_+++Everything that you ever dreamed of, is disappearing when you wake up..._ **

  
_Zayn watches Harry pick flowers at the park, occasionally glancing on the flying butterflies around him. He was so beautiful in Zayn's eyes._

_His long curls dancing, slapping lightly on his cheeks as the wind blows. Zayn doesn't want anything but to tuck his curls behind his ears and kiss him._

_A wide grin crossed his face as he stood up from the bench, leaving his sketchpad and pencil on. He walked slowly where his boyfriend was with his hands in his pocket._

_Harry noticed him fast, and a weak smile formed, showing Zayn the beautiful flowers he had picked. "They are beautiful, Zayn." He mumbled, collecting each of it properly on his hands._

_"You are prettier, my love," Zayn answered, tucking now his curls behind his ears. Harry blushed deep tomato red, contrasting his white milky skin._

_Zayn smirked, knowingly. He loves how Harry blushes whenever he tells him a compliment or how much he loves him, how he bowed his head down to hide his red cheeks, how he whined whenever he feels shy about something giddy._

_"Kiss me," Zayn ordered him, playfully grinning when Harry didn't look at his face._

_"But, Zayn, there are people watching us." Harry lowly mumbled, his eyes watching his shoes tapping the ground._

_Zayn twitched his lips, stopping himself from smiling. "I don't give a fuck about them. I want my kiss." Zayn insisted, calmly._

_Harry stomps his foot quietly. "Zayyyn." He whined, whispering it quietly._

_Zayn almost let out a soft chuckle at how adorable Harry is when blushing. He is just so cute for the world and he realized how lucky he is to have Harry for himself._

_"What? Don't you want to kiss me now? I am offended." He told, making Harry guilty for not wanting to kiss him._

_He watches Harry's lashes flicking down, meeting its way on his soft cheeks. He loves Harry so much._

_"I want to." Harry defended, his voice keeping it's low. "I just... Just not in front of other people." He whispers like the deepest secret he's ever had._

_But Zayn shook his head. He wants a kiss from his baby, to show these people who have captured his heart._

_"I don't believe you. You don't love me." Zayn still pushes his limit. Knowing Harry would give in at any moment._

_Harry's eyes were now worried, not seeing Zayn was just messing around. "No, Zayn. I love you." He fought, afraid that Zayn would leave him._

_"Hmm." Zayn nodded, not yet going along with it. "Then kiss me, baby." He draped his arms around his waist, pulling him closer. Harry was still blushing, his head leaned on Zayn's chest._

_"Come on." He softly chuckled._

_It took a moment before Harry sighed defeatedly. He brought his head up, he saw Zayn's lips already puckering waiting for him. He slightly giggled, bringing his lips to peck Zayn._

_Zayn was contented, smiled lovingly. His nose brushes on Harry's. A few people cood at their cuteness banter. Harry couldn't get any redder than he already is._

_"See? We have fans. They ship us." Zayn winked, chuckling._

Zayn looked away with hurt in his eyes and a scar on his heart, when he saw a couple kissing at the park. He sat his sketchpad down and ran his hands on his face. A sweet memory from the past when they were 18 ghosted him.

He knew he said he'd only go to the park to draw something, to get inspiration. But he can't stop himself getting those memories back.

Because that's all Harry had left for him. Memories.

He clenched his fist, purposely breaking the slim pencil on his hands. He was still furious on how easy for Harry to leave him after four years of their relationship.

It was just so hard to believe that the innocent form of _his_ heart can leave Zayn and make his world crash with just a phone call.

Zayn clenched his jaw at the memory of that day when he returned back home from selling a painting, and he didn't see Harry anywhere inside their little home.

_Four hours he had spent sitting on the couch, dialing Harry's phone which the younger boy had been declining continuously. He was already crying, tears been rolling down on his marvelous cheeks, but he didn't stop on redialling his number._

_His heart jumped when his phone vibrated indicating that the call was answered._

_"Harreh!" He almost yelled, wanting to show how eager he was on talking to him._

_"Where are you?" He asked, pacing back and forth, a hand running on his face._

_"Zayn..." He heard him sobbing, hard._

_He grew worried, panicked._

_"Where are you? Why did you leave?"_

_"I'm so sorry." That three words broke his heart in an instant._

_"What the hell? Come back home. Right. Now." He warned so much authority in his voice._

_The boy was sobbing, crying so hard and Zayn couldn't listen anymore._

_"Baby, just go home. Please." Zayn told him calmly, though he knows it wouldn't work. But that doesn't mean he will stop trying._

_"I love you, Zayn." Harry sobbed. "But they said this is for the better."_

_Zayn shakes his head, disagreeing. "No, no. Baby, I am doing better. Can't you see it? I just sold a painting and I was about to take you out on a date. Please, don't do this." He begged, crying._

_"I know that, Zayn. But they... They want you to do more. To be better than this." Harry explained but Zayn won't take it._

_"I am. With you, I am better. You're the only good thing that happened to me, baby. Please, don't do this to me." He pleaded._

_The two shared loud sobs for a minute. Zayn could imagine how both of their parents forced Harry to leave him. It's not like they are against their relationship, or they do not like Harry for Zayn. It's definitely wasn't the reason._

_Zayn himself is._

_Tricia and Yaser knew Harry ever since they were five. They are neighbors and they know, Harry was the purest form of human on Earth alive. But they all know, Zayn isn't enough for Harry._

_Sure they know how much Zayn loves Harry. He will do everything for Harry, no matter what it takes. But that's the problem._

_Loving Harry is all he can do._

_After the two graduated from High School, they expected Zayn would go to college and have a beautiful life with Harry. But that didn't happen._

_Zayn stopped his education and made Harry live with him. He decided to just stick on selling paintings to support both of them._

_Life wasn't easy as Zayn tried so hard to put all of his effort to make a living, Harry even confined to the hospital multiple times._

_Zayn, of course, put his pride before him. He didn't ask for help, he was confident enough that he can handle and support both of them, especially Harry. But when Harry got sick more seriously, he bowed his head when he had asked his parents to help them with Harry's medication._

_There they knew, the two won't go any better._

_"I want nothing but the best for you, Zayn. Please don't be mad at me." Harry sobbed once again._

_"I am not mad. Just go home, please, baby. I need you in my life more than anything else."_

_"I'm so sorry, Zayn. I love you so much."_

_"No, no, no. Why can't you just stand up for the both of us? Prove to them that they're wrong." Zayn was now mad. He knows he shouldn't be. He can't just control it._

_"I'm really sorry, Zayn."_

_Harry was really helpless. He couldn't do anything for Zayn when the latter gave his whole life for him. He was so weak, he couldn't even decide for himself._

_"I am coming to get you, get ready. We'll leave when I got there." Zayn was ready, his car key on his hands and he was already getting out of the house._

_"I love you, Zayn. So much."_

_Never in Zayn's life, did hurt him when Harry's saying how he loves him, it was his favorite line. But right now it feels so damn hurt._

_The line went off, but Zayn still rushed to their hometown, where he knows their parents still live. He was knocking and ringing the doorbell for hours. Yaser went out to stop him, telling him they left for good._

_He didn't listen, he kept on banging the door, yelling Harry's name. He was so pathetic to watch. The love was there, and the scar was too deep to heal._

He closed the door with a bang, throwing his sketchpad on the ground. This house was never the same ever since Harry had left. It was worse. A mess, his clothes scattered around, bed undone, and the dirty kitchen.

He rolled his eyes at the sight, there are no more reasons for him to be better. His only reason is now gone.

\--

Louis stared up at the white ceiling, his back laying tiredly on the metal chair, hands clasped together. Thoughts were deep, his whole body system still not functioning on the unexpected event happened the other day. Liam took a seat beside him. "He should know." He muttered on the older lad, making him look at him sideways.

"He won't accept it," Louis said, not convinced with Liam's decision.

Liam sighed. "He needs to accept it."

They both look at Niall, who holds nothing but hope. It was the only thing left to do. The rightest thing they have to do for Harry. But Louis still considers what happened in the past, Zayn won't even listen to them on what they would have to say. From Zayn's cold-hearted behavior, Louis knew his best friend quite well. He'll play hard.

"Maybe we can work this out and think of another plan-"

Liam squeezed on his knee gently, "We all know we need to give Zayn hope." With that only statement, Louis knows it might work on a good start for Zayn's life.

+++

Zayn crumpled his 19th canvas, throwing it carelessly along with all the first ones on the floor. He rubbed his palms hardly on his face, groaning. He stood up from his wooden chair, feeling his stomach empty as his refrigerator.

He looked at his simple paintings gathered on his worn-out sofa.

_Dull. Lifeless._

All of it can just simply put on a wall as a decoration of a simple home, nothing he ever made these past years was special. He can still make a living through it, enough to buy food and more alcohol. At least he thought it was. Ed was just too kind to buy all of his paintings to donate to charity homes, paying him more than the exact amount to be paid.

Ed was his kind friend ever since they met on an art gallery exhibit, he offered him a great job but Zayn declined it million times. Zayn can't see any reason for him to accept the job, there's no one he'll be doing it for. After Harry had left him, his parents expected him to be better for him to get Harry back. But he didn't. He became worse. He didn't do any effort to win Harry back.

He lost hope.

After a few greetings and conversations with Ed, he received the amount he expected Ed would give him for his paintings. "My offer is still on the line," Ed exclaimed, hoping Zayn already realized that there's no harm to accept the job.

"And my answer is still the same," Zayn answered with less emotion and interest.

Ed believes in Zayn as Zayn does to himself. Ed knew he has potential, but the guy kept on pushing the better future away. However, he knows Zayn will come to him, finally on his senses. Soon.

"If you ever change your mind." Ed patted his shoulder before leaving the small café where they had met. Zayn didn't reply, and getting up minutes after Ed left.

He walks on the street, with his hands in his pocket. He wanted to go to the park, but he knows memories will just mess up his head, so he didn't turn. He lit up a cigarette and exhaled a thick cloud of smoke on the air as he passes by a shop.

He smiled bitterly at the appliance that was displayed at the very front of the shop. He remembered the big flat-screen television he and Harry wished to have, they had a piggy bank that they used to save money for it. Only for Zayn to break it when Harry left.

As he looks through the glass window quite enough to see his reflection, he could only see nothing but a failure.

He got home that late afternoon with two grocery bags in his arms. He left it on the kitchen counter before going to his bedroom. His phone dinged, making him frown as to why Ed had texted him. He thought something was wrong with his paintings and Ed wanted his money back, which he can't return because he already did groceries.

But when he saw his name, anxiety rose up through his body. It was three years ago when Louis had last texted him. Slowly pressing the button to open the new message, he was nervous as to what his old best friend wanted in him after three years.


	2. Chapter Two

_**++So any time you think that your heart is gonna sink** _   
_**You know it won't,** _ _**I want to build you a boat++** _

Louis looks at him feeling so hopeless. He wishes to the gods that he could live happily despite all the unluckiness he experienced in life. He believes to see a rainbow after the storm so he stood up, and left his room.

He quickly texted Liam to meet at the cafe where Zayn agreed on. Finally, after three years, he could see his long lost best friend. He, too, was feeling bad that he betrayed his best friend. But, for the better future of his younger cousin, Harry, he will do everything to help. And now is the chance for him to show and prove it.

A second thought about this idea struggles them all. First, is because they helped Harry to run away from his parents to see Zayn, and second, they do not know how Zayn will react. 

After he got inside of his car and started the engine, he got a call from Liam.

_"I'm on my way."_ He heard a beeping sound like a car was just unlocked. 

"Don't call Niall yet. Let's see how will things turn out first if he knew." His accent echoed in his car.

Liam hummed in agreement and drove off, heading to the cafe.

\--

Zayn waited outside the cafe. He doesn't want to go inside yet while Louis and Liam are still on the road. He doesn't want waiters or the crews to offer him something he can't buy. His last painting was sold enough for his foods for the month.

He threw his cig in the bin nearby and straightened his clothes. He looked at his reflection on the glass window of the cafe to make himself more decent through those ripped jeans and a black shirt. His beard nearly covering his mouth and his hair growing, passing by his shoulder, tied up neatly.

He sighed. No matter what he looks like, he still looks unfortunate so he looked away. Seeing an unfamiliar car stopped at the cafe's parking lot, he waited for the driver to come out of that 2019 Honda CR-V Hybrid.

Just by the model of the car and the class of the owner to choose it, he felt jealousy. He had dream to have a car that he will drive with Harry whenever they want to travel places.

A pain stings his heart at that thought, he wanted to leave and never show up. But as he took a step back he heard his familiar voice.

"Malik." His Doncaster friend, standing in front of him, looking so happy to see him.

He suddenly wants to break down so that his best friend could comfort him. He had missed him so bad.

Louis slowly walks towards him, feeling so emotional to see his friend at this state.

He welcomed him for a warm hug that he accepted. The two shared tears of longingness. Soon, they felt another pair of arms joined them. Smiling when they realized it was Liam.

Seated inside the cafe, they stared at each other like how long lost friends have seen each other after years.

Zayn felt insecure again on how his two friends are dressed up looking so decent and living well. He looked down on himself quietly as to why he never reached his dreams and goals in life like how his friends did.

The two stared at him, with such sympathy in their hearts that they left him behind. Feeling sorry about what happened years ago.

The number of years that passed made them uneasy. Like it was their first time meeting each other, that they should be careful about every single word they have to say for the one would not be affected and feel uncomfortable with them. 

  
"How are you?" Liam asked, totally curious about Zayn's life after Harry left him.

Zayn looked up at him, bite the inside of his cheek. "I am well. Just enough." He tried to show a little smile, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"We are very sorry." Louis sincerely told, bowed his head.

Zayn shook his head, "Forget it. It happened, nothing will change." He exclaimed. The pain in his heart can clearly see on his face. He is still hurting.

He never moved on.

"How is he?" He dared to ask.

Liam and Louis didn't speak.

"Did he have a boyfriend that is way better compared to me?" Zayn smiled so bitterly, his tears betraying to roll down.

He misses him so much.

"Is he fine? Is he living well without me?"

These questions made Louis and Liam think that Zayn wants to see Harry so eagerly. This made them feel so horrible and bad.

"There is a strong reason why we wanted to talk to you," Liam told him seriously which made Zayn looked worriedly.

"Harry was fine. He did live well." Louis said, feeling the want to answer Zayn's question.

"But, there's no one who could love him the way you did." He added, smiling fondly at Zayn.

At that moment, Zayn felt a little hope in his heart. He truly loved Harry. Very much. Loving him was the best thing he could do.

"But I'm not enough." He again smiled bitterly.

"You will be. That's why we are here. To help you." Liam assured him.

"What's the purpose?" His heart still hanging on a cliff.

"Please, we just need you to be strong. Think about all the things we will say."

He looked up at the ceiling and breathed so deep like he was preparing himself.

"Zayn..." Louis held him on his shoulder. "Harry is in coma."

After hearing those words, Zayn's world suddenly crashed down. His heart beats so fast.

"I want to see him. What hospital he's at?" He asked, standing up but Louis held him down. Looking deeply into his eyes to reassure him that he needs his trust.

"You will see him. I promise."

"Harry ran to us a month ago, saying he wants to see you. But, he had an asthma attack that causes air to run out of his brain. We rushed him to the hospital, and the doctors said that it might belong for Harry to wake up." Liam told him.

Mixed emotions flooded Zayn. He didn't know Harry ran away just to see him.

 _Chocolates_. That's the reason why Harry had an attack. All Zayn could remember when he gave Harry a lot of chocolates back then, he ate all of it at night, then couldn't go to school the next morning because of an asthma attack.

"He's going to live, right?" A tear dropped on the glass table and Zayn couldn't contain it. He simply wipes the tears on his face.

"Yes." Both Liam and Louis answered him, not just giving him hope, but it is the truth. Harry is a fragile yet strong person they all know.

"Please. I really missed him. I really want to see him. Please let me see him." Zayn already couldn't take it as he sobbed on his palms in front of his friends.

He thought he couldn't feel anything anymore, that he turned numb after Harry had left him. There's nothing he cared for about. He almost ended his life at a cliff.

But hearing all these now, he realizes that Harry can make his heartbeat again in just a second.

Louis and Liam felt really bad, they both looked down, wanting to comfort their friend. Louis breathed heavily, they can't say it right now seeing how emotional Zayn is.

Liam held Zayn's shoulder and squeezed it lightly. "Let's go and see your sweetheart." He smiled a little, making Zayn looked up at him.

"Fix yourself. You don't want Harry to witness you like that." Louis added, smiling simply.

Zayn then wiped all his tears and fixed his clothes as he stood up. "I'm ready."

Looking outside the window, Zayn has his hands together, praying to all the gods about Harry's condition. He really loves Harry. Too much.

Louis was quiet, making himself focus on the driving but he couldn't. He wanted to talk to Zayn. He couldn't clear his mind.

"Z?" He called out, almost a whisper. Zayn quickly looked back at him waiting for his friend to say something.

Louis took a deep breath, a cleared his throat. "I really want to ask for your forgiveness." Zayn frowned.

"By the time you needed me, I wasn't there. When they took Harry away from you, I didn't do anything to protect you two. I haven't shown your worth to them when I know you're leaning unto me. I am so sorry, Zayn. I haven't been the best friend you needed at that time. I've been away for so long, I couldn't talk nor see you because of the guilt in my heart." Louis' voice cracked, he couldn't contain it.

He is now regretting the decisions he made, seeing what it resulted in. Many hearts have broken, many chances have taken away.

Now it's Zayn's turn to squeeze a shoulder. "I have no grudge, on what happened years ago. It's all on me. Don't worry, I never forgot about you being my best friend." He stated truthfully, however, wanting to smile, he just nodded his head to convince Louis about what he said.

Louis sighed heavily, "Let's go out whenever talk about things and be stronger than ever. I really owe you a lot. Seriously."

Zayn smiled sadly but nodded. "Sure."

Hands and knees were shaking, Zayn's been feeling numb that he wanted to collapse when they arrived at the hospital. He can finally see Harry, but to his condition, he is not too happy, he is too worried.

Liam squeezes his shoulder once again. "Everything will be okay." He reassured him.

"I hope so."

He couldn't stop the tears rolling down his face when he sees him. Pale, sick, and hopeless. He can't think of any reason why did these things happen to Harry. He doesn't deserve all of these.

"Why? Why did this happen?" He cried, holding Harry's hand so tight. "Why didn't you take care of yourself? You know I was away, and yet you became careless." He scolded like Harry was listening to him.

"Please wake up, my Hazza. I am waiting for you all these years, to come back to me. Don't do it like this. This isn't funny." He sobbed on Harry's palms.

Louis and Liam watched him with teary eyes. Everyone knows how much Zayn loves Harry. Everyone knows their story.

They comfort him, rubbing his back, telling him everything is going to be alright. Because that's what is going to happen.

"Be strong, Zayn. Harry needs you to lean on." Liam told him.

With what they are seeing, Louis backed away a bit, moving into Liam's back. "Do you think he is ready? With this situation?" He whispered to Liam.

Liam didn't answer. He sighed heavily. They are battling inside their heads. They should have had other plans.

"We'll give you time. We'll just go out to get some food. Call us if you need anything." Liam patted his shoulder once again. Zayn tried his best to smile at this state.

When the two had left, Zayn stared at the hopeless body of his past lover laying on that hospital bed. He was honestly disappointed with Harry back then about leaving him behind, but he did not want this to happen.

Not so long after the two left, Zayn received a text message that they have something urgent and important thing to do. It has been 2 in the afternoon, and Zayn was starving. He then realized he didn't eat breakfast because he was anxious to see Louis and Liam. Now, the two cannot go back with foods in an hour or so.

"I'll just go get a sandwich. I will be back shortly." He kissed Harry's temple and slowly walked backward before turning around.

He closes the door and finds his way to the cafeteria. He was never fond of being at hospitals. He cringes whenever he smells ethanol. But, he knew starting today, he has no choice but to visit this place every day.

As he turned an ally to a nurse station, he saw two nurses assisting a young child.

"Who are you with? Are you lost?" The nurse asked.

"I was with my uncle. But I ran away." He slowly answered, knowing that he made a mistake.

"Why? Is he hurting you?" The other nurse asked.

"No. He is kind. But I want my daddy." The kid said.

Zayn passes by them, looking at the signage hanging on the ceiling of the hospital, searching for the cafeteria.

"Tell me who is your dad, then."

"Harry Styles."

Zayn stopped his tracks, hearing his lover's name mentioned by the little boy.

 _Who is he?_ He asked himself.


	3. Chapter Three

+ _ **the way that I've been holding on too tight, with nothing in between.**_

Niall patiently waits inside Dr. Gomez's office, carefully babysitting the nearly four-year-old boy. He has him on his lap, reading him a book. The kid was paying attention to the colorful pictures of the characters than to what his uncle Niall's narrating him.

In the middle of telling the story, the boy politely asked him. "NiNi, can I see deedee now?" His voice was slow and his innocent eyes looking up at him.

  
Niall sighed and played the boy's hair gently. "Not yet, boi. We're here to wait for LouLou." He explained. The kid pouted but hid it from his Uncle Niall. The kid never got to play with his _deedee_ for a week now, no cuddles every night, and every time he wakes up, and he just misses his _deede_ e very much.

He simply reads the book again, forcing himself to be entertained by the printed animals on it.

A tap on the door disturbs them and Dr. Gomez came in. "Mr. Horan, can I talk to you for a moment?" Niall knew it was about Harry's health condition and he stood up, gently putting the kid on the plastic chair with his book.

"I'll be right back. Just stay here, okay?" He told him and he left with the doctor.

The kid's gaze followed them out of the room, he knew he should not think of what he is thinking right now, but he does anyway.

He got off his feet from the chair, stuffed his storybook on his backpack, and walks slowly to the office door. He peeked outside, seeing his _NiNi_ talking to the doctor, facing the other direction against him.

He faced the other way and back again before walking from slowly to quickly away from Dr. Gomez's office.

The kid barely knew the place, he only goes to his daddy's room when visiting him, but he knows he could ask around the nurses that are passing by.

When he turned into an ally, he found few nurses chatting, standing by, and eating sandwiches. He grips on his backpack before walking towards them.

Before he could approach them, one concerned nurse already noticed him. She gets out of the station and slowly approaches the boy to not startle him.

"Hi, may I help you? Are you missing?"

The boy nodded. "I want to see deedee." He shyly told her.

The nurse glanced at the other nurses, seeing them concerned too.

"Okay, so your deedee... Is he a doctor here? Or a nurse like me? Or a visitor, a patient?" She asked for it would be easier to help him, her free hand drawing circles on his back for it would help calm the boy.

But the kid doesn't know those words, except the word doctor.

"Doc say my deedee will be sleeping here hospital for long." He said, hoping that the nurse would know what that means.

The nurse's face saddened, knowing that this child's father is at coma. She rubs the boy's arm gently to comfort him.

"So, tell me, who's your daddy?"

"Harry Styles."

\--

Liam was at his phone for ten minutes, pacing back and forth in front of Harry's room. Making a report of a lost child inside the hospital's premises.

"You had one job," Louis exclaimed, getting mad that a nearly 4-year-old boy ran from Niall.

"I told him to wait for me, the doctor talked to me about Harry's condition, I didn't want these to happen." Niall defended himself, getting stressed out.

"Hey, stop pointing and blaming. Work on to something." Liam ordered them, waiting for a call to answer.

"I'll go look for him around this floor, I don't think he would use an elevator." Niall told them and started to walk. As he goes not far enough, he stopped his trance seeing Zayn.

Liam stopped talking to his phone when a hand touches his elbow. Louis gestured him to look at what Niall's looking. The three are in surprise form.

"NiNi." The boy called, seemingly guilty for what he did, for running away from his uncle. Now he would think that they would get mad at him and never want him again.

Zayn didn't take his eyes off of Liam. Probably asking who the kid is. And why didn't they tell him Harry having a kid?

Niall's mouth was still dry for being surprised, hardly managed to speak up.

"Baby, where have you been? Why did you run off?" Niall altered his attention to the kid. Slowly when getting closer, he lowered himself at the level of the kid's height.

"I'm sorry, Nini. Want deedee." The kid, hugged him, feeling the conscience from running away. "You not mad?" He asked, his voice was still low.

"I am not mad, we were worried about you. Okay, but do not do that again. Promise me." The boy nodded, despite of his little crime of running away, he's safe between the tension rising up between his uncles and the stranger who took him here.

"Let's go see your dee dee now. Okay?" Niall carried him up, glancing on Zayn, and away. He knew he won't be the best person to explain everything, so he just entered Harry's room, leaving the three still stunned.

When Niall entered the room, Zayn walked slowly to Liam and Louis. They all watched through the glass window, how the kid kisses his daddy's forehead.

"Let us explain." Louis sighed heavily. They didn't plan for this, they have planned for a better way to let Zayn know about this.

"Who is he?" Zayn seriously and sternly looked at Louis. Of all people he trusted, I think he deserves a little effort from him today.

"His name's Hope," Liam told Zayn. "He is 3 and a half years old." He puts back his phone in his pocket, places his hands oh his hips.

"He's yours." Louis finished it off, giving Zayn the answer he knew he wanted.

It's like a cold bucket of water was spilled on him. Zayn couldn't process the words Louis had said. How come he didn't know. How come his so-called best friend did not care enough for him to know about it. He felt really betrayed.

He knew he said earlier that he doesn't hold a grudge on what happened years ago, but knowing this now, he wishes he could take back what he said.

A warm stray of tear ran down on his cheek. Making his eyes shut, and his body found support on the hospital's cold wall.

Liam felt bad. That Zayn was knowing these all at a bad time. "We were about to tell you earlier, but Niall called, told us he lost him. It was an emergency. We're sorry about it." He meant what he said. At least he thinks it would lessen some burden.

"I hope you could still forgive me," Louis said, his head facing down. He knew Zayn had a lot of expectations from him, but he didn't give him either of those.

Zayn looked up at him, eyes frowned. Unbelievable.

He walks towards Louis, fuming in anger. Liam stops him in no time. "You could have told me! This is too much, Loueh!" He screamed. His veins becoming visible from so much anger he's feeling.

Liam holds him tight. Louis had no guts to say anything anymore. "I'm sorry, I know how you felt but I didn't do anything--" Louis defended but Zayn cut him off.

"No! You don't know what I felt. You don't know how it was for me, alone! So don't fucking tell me you know everything, because you don't even an ounce of it." Zayn growled at him, tears still falling down, his eyes red, and jaw clenching.

"Zayn, please. Your son might see you." Liam pleaded, hoping Zayn would realize that the kid inside might see him. That's the only way he knows how to calm him down, at least for now.

He blinks the tears away, he covered his face, back on the cold wall again. His palms not leaving his damp cheeks.

"I think I'm done here for today, I'll visit him tomorrow," Louis mumbled to Liam before walking away.

Zayn stayed quiet, still processing what just happened the whole day.

"Just wanna see him so badly." He muttered, tears still rolling down his eyes.

"I know. We have been taking this all in the same way, Zayn." Liam told him, looking inside Harry's room.

"At least, there's Hope now."


	4. Chapter Four

Zayn on the next day trapped himself in his own bedroom. His hands above his chest, fidgeting with his fingers. Yesterday was very eventful for him and his mind just went drifting off, it tired him too much.

What concerns him now moreover the fact that he has a child with Harry which he never thought these past few years. It's like life was pulling a prank on him, and the crowds laughing at him, but he never gets it right away.

He is just 23 and searching for a life that he deserves. It's not like it is right to have a kid being him jobless. He doesn't know anything to do besides art. That thought rushes through his head, and his fingers carding through his hair now.

Another thought came up to his mind, back to the day Harry had left him. He now has questions that want to be answered, like did Anne know about Harry's bearing a child and learned that he cannot be a responsible father to their child so they forced Harry to leave him?

Now he was sure enough why they did that, he knew himself better that he can't support to have a family at that stage and fuck it, the first time in history he did thank his parents who did this, because if it didn't happen, Harry would leave him anyway in the worse way he could think because he's a total mess and a disappointment who could not make a living for them.

 _Ed._ Right. The job Ed has been offering to him since the day they met. He didn't think he'd be able to accept the proposal now that he's facing a challenging phase of being a father. He remembers Harry had gone all the way here to see him and talk to him. That only means he yearns for him. So, maybe this is the time he'll get to do whatever it takes to make it right.

He fumbles on his phone, breathed heavily. He goes through his contacts and finds Ed's number. He chewed his lip before dialing it. He's still having a second thought about accepting the job from Ed. He doesn't think he's qualified, let alone the fact that he didn't take a major in college.

Ed is an Art Director, and he has a very kind heart for the street children and those who are in the care of orphanages. Ed was planning to open a private foundation for homeless kids, wanting to teach them art. With that, he offered Zayn a job of being their Art Teacher.

The call was answered by Ed.

"Hi. It's Zen." He started.

 _"Hi, Zayn. What is it? You don't suppose to bring paintings today, right?"_ Ed asked him on the other line.

"No, no. It's not about that. Can we meet today? I have something to tell you." He said.

 _"Of course. Uh, let's meet at the cafe at 5. You okay with that?"_ Ed asked.

"Yeah, sure. No problem." He answered and the call had hung up.

\---

Zayn has to be careful of the decisions he will take. He's now living his life not only for himself but also for Harry and their kid. He was now determined to show their parents that he is capable of being a good father and partner.

He's still nervous because if Ed really accepts him on the job, it's going to be his first decent job. He knows it's nothing, but it will be something for him to work on.

He looked up to the entrance of the cafe when it rang, and he saw Ed walking towards him with a smile on his face. Probably Ed had known why Zayn suddenly called him, it took him years to convince Zayn.

He sat down in front of him. "How are you, Zayn?" He asked.

Zayn smiled a bit. "I'm okay. I mean, it was a very eventful of a week for me." He answered.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Ed asked, they've been treating each other as friends so it gives him a reason for Zayn to talk about it.

"I have a kid." Zayn chuckled at the information he said. Ed was stunned.

"Wow. How did you know? What happened?" He beamed, feeling happy for him.

"I just knew it yesterday. My friends from the past who happens to be related to Harry, they told me." Zayn smiled a bit. Still feeling a bit of disappointment on them.

"Harry? How is he then? Did you see him? Did you meet the kid?" Ed asked.

Zayn's face saddened. "I did see him and the kid. But Harry's not good. I mean, he's in a coma." He told him.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, Zayn. I'm sure he'll be okay. He should be." Ed patted his shoulder.

"So, does this tell that you're accepting my offer?" He added a question.

Zayn looked at him, still debating in his mind. "Yes, but, look, I don't think I'm qualified. I didn't get an education from college to teach the kids." He reasoned.

"Zayn, you don't need to have a degree to inspire and teach the homeless kids art. It's something you would understand. Because I know, art is in your heart, not just in your brain." Ed explained to him.

Zayn nodded slightly. He can't believe someone just trusted him that easily. He can't believe someone had seen his heart. He smiled at Ed, he will surely not let this man down.

\---

He walked home that evening after talking about the private foundation with Ed. He feels proud of himself because he chose to start anew. When he nearly reached home, he saw a car parking in front. He quickly walked to them, realizing it was Liam.

Liam stood straight when he sees Zayn. He greeted him. "Hi, Zayn."

"Liam, what are you doing here?" He asked, he looked inside the car and found the kid sitting quietly and playing with a miniature dinosaur. He felt his heart thudding loud.

"Is there something wrong?" He asked worriedly.

"No, no. Everything's fine. I'm sorry if I didn't call you that we'll be visiting." Liam says.

"It's okay. What can I do for you?" Zayn asked and Liam went to the back of his car, opening it and revealing some grocery bags.

"Zayn, I really need your help. I really need you to look up for Hope for just a couple of days." Zayn's eyes widen.

"Louis and Niall had already gone to Scotland for some business. I need to follow them there, I can't bring Hope with me." Liam said, opening the car door where the kid is sitting.

He carries the kid out of the car. "Don't worry, Hope is a very good boy," Liam said. "Right, baby?" The kid nodded shyly.

"And we've gone to the grocery store earlier for his foods and needs, some for you, too. So, there's no trouble at all." Liam says.

Zayn was too dumbfounded at what had Liam said to him. Is this guy knew what he's talking about? He's literally leaving the kid with him. Zayn doesn't even have a single idea on how to babysit a kid. Even his own son.

"Liam, we maybe want to talk about this right now-" Zayn tried to get Liam to think about it.

"Zayn, I'm sorry. I don't really have time for now. I promise I'll be back to get him after two days." Liam apologized and carefully passed the kid to him.

Zayn feels his heart exploding, holding his son this close for the first time. It feels good and right. The kid was silent and behave.

"Liam, I don't think I can do this without a little-"

Liam was pulling out the grocery bags and placing them in front of Zayn's door. Then he hurried on his car. "I really have to go, Zayn. I'm sorry. I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

Zayn couldn't say anything further when Liam had gone on the driveway. He breathed heavily. He is now alone with his son for the first time.

How can he do this?


	5. Chapter Five

_+You never love yourself half as much_   
_as I love you+_

Zayn watches Liam disappear on the road with the toddler in his arms. His chest was thudding, nervous and uneasy, if the child was being so smart, he can feel the loud thuds against the man's body. Zayn glances at the little boy that he is carrying, and breathed heavily, hopeless and unaware of the right things to do.

"I will take you inside, it's getting cold here." He says, a little bit softly to not startle the child. The kid didn't respond, but watches him carefully for every step like he was preparing for something bad to happen to him.

Zayn leads the way inside his little home, his actions were gentle and careful, he was afraid that his son would fear him. That is not the first impression he wants for Hope to have on him. 

  
When he slowly opened his door, his face paled and he felt so conscious on himself and on his lifestyle. His place was a mess, empty liquor bottles and cans scattered on the center table, dirty clothes hanging over his worn out sofa, his dishes unwashed, and his ashtray still holding a cigar.

He quickly covered the kid's face by his palm and he walked towards his bedroom and it wasn't that messy as outside. He placed the toddler down on the floor, and started picking up some clothes and things scattered.

The toddler just stands there skeptically, clutching on his backpack, his football cap given by his uncle Louis slightly turned on it's side. But what he concerns most was the man who has scary tattoos inked on his arms and his beard covering mostly half of his face, he watches him carefully like he was waiting if he was about to beat him up or if he was about to be given to bad guys and sold for a ransom. The toddler was scared, he never knew this man, it just reminds him that he was the one who helped him to get back to his uncles at the hospital, and he saw how angry this man was with his uncle Louis.

After fixing the bed, and picking up some mess, Zayn carried the kid and placed him carefully on the bed. The kid was still quiet, he never wanted to give this man a reason to be mad at him.

"Uh, wait for me here, can you do that? I will be just cleaning the mess around the house, okay?" Zayn asks the child, which he nodded slowly and just clutched on his backpack tightly.

Zayn moved fast, he wiped away the mess on the table at his kitchen and placed the grocery bags that Liam left on his doorway. He cleaned his living room first, picking up all the empty bottles and cans, throwing them on a garbage bag, then picking up the dirty clothes and putting it on a laundry basket. After cleaning the mess on the living room, he moved to the kitchen to wash the dishes he left, and he couldn't breath on the leftover foods that stink. He opened some kitchen cabinet to store the foods that Liam left for them, finding a spider web on one of it. He swept and mopped the floor then he set his tools and canvas on the other side of the living room where it leaves an amount of space for them.

It is not just that he was embarrassed about his surroundings, but also he is caring about the kid's health. So he did all he can on his place to be a safe place for his son. He knew he doesn't have the best things and furnitures and appliances, but at least, his son is going to be safe beside him.

He fumbles on something to cook for dinner, and he found pasta that is the easiest to make. He prepared the ingredients he will need, and act on it quickly, he was rushing because it is past 7 at the evening and he wondered if the kid was hungry.

When he was about to finish, he suddenly got alarmed that he never asked Liam on what his child can and cannot eat. He must be responsible and conscious. Without a doubt, he called Liam immediately.

_"Zayn? What's up? Something wrong?"_

"I just wanted to ask if Hope is allergic to any foods or something? I was preparing dinner and I just wondered." He honestly told Liam, very nervous.

He heard Liam cooed at him lowly on the other line. _"Don't worry, Hope got no allergy at any foods. He can really eat anything that you'd give him."_

With a sigh of relief, Zayn was thankful. There are no such worries about Hope for now. At least, not a food issue.

_"By the way, what're you making?"_

"Just pasta."

_"Oh, he love the meatballs."_

Zayn smiled at the little information. "Just like him."

 _"Harry will be okay. He knows what's waiting for him when he wake up."_ Liam comforted.

After some reminders from Liam, Zayn thanked him and got to finish the dinner he's making. And by the time he already prepared the table for them, he gently walked in on the room to get the little boy for dinner.

But instead, he softly caressed the sleeping little boy's cheek. He must done a lot of things that Hope fell asleep already. He worried, that maybe his son fell asleep with an empty stomach.

As he stares at him, he grew insecure. This boy really looks like his other father, Harry. The curls, the lips, the cheeks, his eyes. He really does look like Harry. He dreamed that whenever he had a child, he wanted him to be a resemblance of him. But he can't complain. This child is so perfect. So perfect he knew he isn't enough and worthy.

He heaved a sigh. Shakes his head. He gently nudge the toddler's arms for hin to wake up. "Hope, let's get dinner. I don't want you to sleep without eating anything. C'mon, baby."

The kid stirred in his slumber. Slowly opening his eyes and sitting up on the bed. "I didn't move. I am a good boy." He defended himself wearily. Like he was being scolded.

Zayn got a little surprise. But got over it quickly. "Yes, a very good boy you are." He patted the boy's head softly. Making him feel that nothing is wrong.

"Thank you." The little boy replied while fixing his loosen cap on his head from falling asleep.

"Let's go eat?" Zayn held his hand and led him to his small dining table. He carried the child for him to sit on the chair across him.

"My dad cooks for my breakfast. But I eat food from uncles on dinner. But my dad is sleeping. Doctor said he dream is too long that he can't wake up yet." Hope told him. Staring at the plate infront of him.

Zayn didn't expect that his son would tell hin a little story and he quickly felt bad for him, not really understanding the situation they are in right now. "What do you usually have for breakfast?" He asks.

"Pancakes." The boy answered politely. Looking very shy at Zayn.

"I can make lots of pancake for you everyday. Is that okay?" Zayn told his son. With a smile on hus face to make Hope comfortable with him.

Hope nodded eagerly. Feeling excited for the pancakes. Zayn softly chuckled and knew that he made the right decision on taking Ed's offer. He knew he can't depend on his friends by taking care of his child. This time, he have the chance to prove to everyone that he is capable of doing the right things and taking the responsibility of being a father.

"But right now, we have pasta. Can you eat it now? Tomorrow I will make pancakes for you." He told.

"Yes. Thank you, Mister Zayn." Hope politely answered. With a little smile on his face.

Soon. Zayn thought. _He will call you Papa soon._ He told himself.

"And because you are a good boy, there are extra meatballs for you." He cheered enough for Hope to get excited to eat dinner.

"Yayy!"

Zayn knew, this is a good start for everything that happened so bad.

_Hope-fully._


End file.
